Day of the Ly'in Hos, the University of Texas at El Paso Story.

Copyright: 2005
Excerpt: 2nd. part of prologue
First Refusal Rights: Simon and Schuster, New York, New York.
Genre: Early 21st Century University Magic Surrealism
PR Quote: The warmest, most inspirationally inspiring feel-good story of 2007, if not of this entire century.
Source: Rodney Cobbledik, New Best Sellers Editor for Jivin Times Literary Review, New York City.

Last four lines of our previous posting:

"Nope! There was none of that with these tough male beings, two or three millennium young, who shared, as we have said above, the most remarkable resemblance to our good and hard-partying friends , those legendary Marine Lance Corporals, Dale T-Bone Richardson, lately of St. Xavier's Uniersity of New Orleans, and Huedilla Cundiffe, a career white-collar civil service employee from Philadelphia, P.A.

You bet!

"They set out their intergalatic mission statement in a heartbeat, with first one leading and then the other responding, until the rest of us caught on to the drill:

Alright now: Let's rock!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **** *******

"O.K. Marines! All ya'all dudes and brothers be listen'in up now, o.k.? O.K.! We not here to be talk'in to all ya'all 'bout ladies, o.k.?

That's right!

"'An all ya'all know what we mean there, right?"

Yeah!

"Like all they'all good-hearted wimmens in one of 'ole Geffrey Chaucer's French-like medieval amour dits, or love visions."

French women! Wow! 'Ole Geffrey still be do'in it? Damn!

"Now, hold up there, ya'all. Don't all ya'all be goin too far off the track, o.k.? 'Cause what it is we say'in to all ya'all gennelmens right now is that ladies -- properly speak'in -- be synonymous with what everyman know he want, dig? Dudes and brothers, when we say the magic word ladies, we be mean'in those very same ladies from the the Magical Mystical Land of the Round Eyed Hoa Ky Cos!"

Right on!

"From the land of the Big PX!"

Got it!

"From the good 'ole U.S. and A.!"

Oh, yeah!

"From the World!"

[Pandemonium on hearing this last, a mixture of enthusiastic and noisy approval]

The World! Women! Yeah! Ladies! English forty-three o-eight! Wow! ¡Ora, MEChA! You got got it! ¡Ora, UTEP! Dy-no-mite!

"The kind of woman that'll always be dog'gin a young man's footsteps, stiffen'in his jaw for him whenever he not be straighten'n up and fly'in right, that kind of woman. Of whom there can be no equal."

Oh, yeah!

[ Suddenly things get real quiet as these two superior beings, whether authentic currours, or merely and eke messengers from some other, and presumaby higher and thus more civilized planet, pause briefly for dramatic effect, only to continue again, but in a tone of deadly seriousness, almost frightening in its intensity.

They are wearing the then-standard green-weenie trousers and plain uniform green jungle blouses.

In conformity with standard earth usage for this itme of year, they are both wearing non-Marine Corps regulation Santa Clause hats at a jaunty angle.

One, who looks curously like T-Bone, just might be clutching what to earthling eyes looks like nothing so much as a recently emptied bottle of locally produced rotgut whiskey mislabeled as Silver Fox, proof that if nothing else, beaming down from one planet to another across the vast reaches of Outer Space on desperate rescue missions mandated by 'Ole Geffrey himself can make a man mighty thirsty indeed!

And now, in slow motion, like the closing scene in the rock group Blondie's Rapture
video, they began to dance, first on one leg, and then on another, as they continue their talk to us, keeping time to some hypnotic Blondie-like rhythm audible only to them.

The eerie effect thus produced would alternately astonish and fascinate 'ole Freud himself, as we learned in UTEP's Department of English Literary Criticism Class, Spring of 2005.

In fact, it would be a beautiful example of what he calls unheimlich, which means unhomely, or as we say in English, uncanny.]

"Nope! It ain't 'cause of ladies that we here." They continue. "Instead, fellow Gyrines, dudes and brothers, we be com'in down to give all ya'all young men some most terribly important advice and counsel."

Ohhhh! Wow! Hey! ¡Ora, UTEP! That's right!

"What it is, 'Ole Geffrey Chaucer be beam'in us down here to do some serious ho-talk'in to all ya'll. In fact all ya'all might just think of us a a sort of two-man intergalatic ho-patrol, you hear?"

Oh, wow! Ho-talk'in! 'Ole Geffrey sent you! Cool! Oh, yeah! That's right! Right on, brother man! Jus' like UTEP's forty years in the future English forty-three o eight class with good 'ole Doctor J! Outtasight!

"Gennelmens, all ya'all dudes and brothers be listen'in up now, ok.? O.K.!"

That's right!

"'Cause what it is, dudes and brothers, is that whether all they'all be ly'in hos, or all they'all be jiv'in hos, don't none of all ya'all ever be forgett'in this: all they'all ly'in hos are by far the most dangerous of the species."

[Comes now a stunned and uneasy silence, followed by a quiet collective gasp, and soft, worried groans, exclamations, and consternation in general, what we call in Spanish algarbia, or really wild babble.]

Oh, no! You don't say! Ly'in hos! Damn! That's really scary! Even in America? UTEP, too? Is that a fact? What can we do, then? Dangerous ly'in hos, these men are telling us! Oh, my,oh my! 'An all of us been think'in the Vietnam War right here and now itself was bad enough! What's going to happen to us now? Who can all we'all be call'in on for help then? The World's at stake! Maybe now we'll even be losing Viet Nam...!

TO BE CONTINUED!