Kick - backs a quarter century ago.

vs.

Today's potentially more sophisticated versions.

So!

And just where is today's version?

Why not right here?

At Saint Mary Magdalene's in Brackettville, Texas.


First!

Back in the Golden Age of Silent Sam Pierce:

When, in San Antonio, at least!

Much of every deal conceivable in real estate was both totally feasible and totally amoral ...

Example:

A Property Manager for a big Northeast east company asked me one day.

"Dennis, how much would you charge me -- on a monthly basis only -- for lawn maintenance on those new Ray Ellison El Cheapo duplexes over on Uhr Lane @ Thousand Oaks (or wherever!)?

"Gee, I dunno, Big Al. I'd say $90.00 per unit per month. That'd be hitting 'em every 10 days or so..."

"O.K. [a pause]. But this is what I want you to do for me, alright? Give me a monthly statement listing what you've done, but charging me $150.00 per unit a month instead. [Another pause] O.K., so far?"

"Ummm .. uh - huh... then, what??!!"

"You go to our bank and cash your checks, take out what we've agreed that I owe you and then come right back here and give me my own share, that's what!"

"Ummm ... uh - huh? O.K.!!" :)

And, that's they way we did it, 'way back when...

Example Two:

Fast forward to day's Brackettville & Saint Mary Magdalene's Catholic Parish.

Scofflaw blow- off "financial statement" lists some make - believe amount written off for charity. :)

Like maybe $4,500 or so.

"How then, would some punk like rip - off everybody on this level?"

You mean as it more than likely has been done these past two to three months?

Well, it would be quite simple, folks.

HERE'S A TYPICAL "TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY:"

Somebody needs $500.00 in cold cash to remedy his homeless situation with housing.

The appropriate deacon is summarily dispatched to the local bank and takes the $$$ out.

Maybe from one of the deacon's own accounts, maybe not.

One thing for sure:

On this level, at least, St. MM's is going to access what we might call a verbal co - signer. :)

This responsible member of the Kinney County Community agrees to collect the $100.00 dollars per month for five (5) consecutive months from the lucky "charity beneficiary."

He (or she) then reimburses the deacon concerned every month until the total amount of charity is fully recovered, interest free, much as repayment on an interest - free loan would be.

And, please keep this in mind: Both the deacon and the verbal co - signer -- in this specific hypothetical case right here and now -- are already well - known to us as honest and straight - forward persons as is the "charity beneficiary," herself (or himself).

But!

If so, so what?


Because, any one of two (or more) hypothetical notations may even now be recorded at the St. MM Parish Rectory, by an as yet unidentified third party!

A thieving third party!

Here's one such hypothetical entry this particular thief - personality might make.

Number One:

"$500.00 in emergency charity disbursed to a worthy and needy person in a desperate housing situation. This amount has never been successfully recovered. Person's financial situation prohibits her (or him) from doing so, at least at the present time ..."

Number Two:

Now, this one may be even more likely:

The principle thief -- male or female! -- simply pockets yet another $500.00 in cash from parish funds, and jots down some reassuring stuff - ola like: "$500.00 total in cash disbursements payable to charity this day - week - month - year, blah - blah - blah and etc..."

As long as your bookkeepers and / or other parish functionaries continue getting their share of the rake - off, too, don't worry about actually lacking matching account numbers, or other potentially embarrassing Accounting Acrobatics 101 exercises from ENRON's Golden Era -- no matter what (heh, heh, HEH!).

'Cause either way this rip - off works!

And works!

And just like we hear in the words of the classic Carwash theme from that Hollywood Academy Award - winning picture from years back, this rip - off plus its infinite variations acquires a life of its own:

♪... And just keeps right on a work'in... ♫