Thursday, February 05, 2009

"Riddle. In looting the church:

"What is the best way for a priest to steal from the church collection?"

Ushers: Do not take too much cash or your theft will be noticed...

Adapted from the Rev. Jerry J., Pokorsky, C.P.A. "Parish collection and count procedures," Homiletic & Pastoral Review, February 2009.

"Riddle: In looting the church, when is the best time, what is the best way for a priest to steal from the church collection?

"a) Write a check to cash and deposit it into a personal checking account, or b) skim the cash undetected from the parish collection before deposit.

"If you answered b) give yourself thirty pieces of silver.

So?? How about ushers, too? :)

"For an usher, a good time to skim from the collection is when carrying the collection, alone, to the rectory.

"Simply visit your unlocked car and toss handfuls of cash to the floor when nobody is looking.

"Do not take too much of the cash or your theft will be noticed.

"Just keep working the system and volunteer your services with a smile.

"No joke, and not even a hard riddle.

"Dioceses across the country have their own stories of theft that are little more than variations on the simple theme.

"The tougher puzzle is how to prevent ushers and priests (this is, after all, the post - Dallas -- 2002 Church!) from looting the collection."

His 20 - steps to financial sobriety!!

"In recent years, an increasing number of parishes have begun using pre - numbered plastic collection bags.

"The ushers take up the collection during Mass and place the collection into the plastic bags.

"The bags are immediately sealed.

"If the seal in prematurely broken, it could be evidence of tampering.

"Because the bags are pre - numbered and accounted for, it is impossible to steal the individual collections without detection.

"The pr e- numbered bank deposit bags can be ordered online from various vendors..."

"What about $600.00 - in - 3 - weeks up in smoke St. Mary Magdalene's?"

Well, for yours truly, at least!

Page after page, this is a fascinating read... :)


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